After yesterday’s writing, we moved through a variety of householder and business tasks like filming a class, posting Beth’s 5-minute yoga video, writing some business letters, covering the RV for the winter, going to the town dump with our garbage and picking up sundries at the Walgreens in Liberty. Amidst those activities, we also drove to the southwest corner of the Catskill Mountains and did a 2.2 mile hike in the woods. Later at night, we rehung the yoga backdrop, talked with my parents, watched The Problem with Jon Stewart (our new favorite show) and munched on some fresh greens and a frozen pizza that tasted like frozen pizza. We made reservations at hotels and friends homes for upcoming gigs and Beth did a little financial work. All in all, it felt like a productive and gratifying day.
This morning I got up after 6am and did my practice (yoga, meditation and prayer) and here I am with you – starting another day.
As I wrote in yesterday’s post, the inside work continues. I’m moving ever so slowly (it sure feels slow) through the darkness towards my True Self. This morning’s meditation revealed that there’s still some significant work around loss and grief that I must do in order to access that Self. And when I do that work, the integration of love and empathy will hopefully follow suit.
Dust returns to the earth and ash returns there, too. The home life we built in Yorktown and the dog we played with in that front yard haven’t disappeared. They’ve morphed into memory and the loss that I’m carrying with me. Moving through those feelings (instead of quickly burying them) is the most important inside work I’m completing.
In this moment, they remain heavy, uncomfortable loads. Looking back on some of my writings, I see the strum und drang (turmoil) that’s in my head and heart. I’d love to move it away and become more lighthearted, but that’s not the way this opera resolves. Again, I need to move through it, not around it. This requires bravery, patience and a willingness to stop and feel. Ugh.
It also involves Beth, Steph and Helen (our daughters). They will both be in NY during December. At that time, we will move through some dirt if rituals for Bradley and, I hope, the house we all lost.
Do not despair, Dear Reader. I know this is all heavy stuff! And though it is not a straight line from here to eternal happiness, there is a valley we’ll get to when this part of our journey together is completed. My hope is that we’ll rest there, laugh there and sing with some newfound joy.
Geez, I hope so.
Speaking of You…I invite anyone to submit a story I can share like the gratitude pieces I published this month. Our new “Readers Write” topics and due dates are:
Holidays – December (Due asap)
Bicycles – January (Due 12/31/22)
Clutter – February (Due 1/31/23)
Religion – March (Due 2/28/23)
Movies – April (Due 3/30/23)
Please let me know if you want to contribute by writing me at email@example.com. And if you need a bit of hand-holding, light editing or encouragement, that’s available, too. I want people to hear your stories and I’m willing to offer you some help to get it out of your head you and onto the page!