In the lingo of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families, we use a few different archetypes to represent the voices in our heads. The Loving Parent is, obviously, the person we want to run the show, but for most of us it is the Critical Parent who shows up in our lives saying in hundreds of different ways, “you’re not worthy.” The former loves and encourages our growth step-by-step and the latter takes every opportunity to say, “not enough, loser!”
As we go along, we identify two other folks in our heads: the Inner Child and the Inner Teen. These are referred to as our Littles.
My Littles have been extremely active, lately. When the Loving Parent said, “We are instituting a new exercise routine and quitting caffeine and sugar to be healthy,” my Littles planned a revolt. They’ve been doing so since my twenties much to the chagrin of my Loving Parent.
The Teen likes caffeine and any drug that he can get his hands on. He also likes to shop for musical equipment and buy it because he’s convinced you can’t have too many toys. He’s also accustomed to being sneaky – purchasing pot or beer when I was young, vodka or gummies when I got older and energy drinks to spike his desire to be up, up and away. As one of my friends said, “it’s all about uppers and downers, man.”
My Littles get active when Scott, the adult, gets triggered. Right now, my adult self is EXTREMELY triggered. I’m upset by our president, worried about the cold weather and concerned about my aging mind and body. The Teen and the Child get afraid, too, and they act out when the Loving Parent is suffering from fear. It’s like a family in a car without brakes who start panicking.
Fortunately, I have skills and friends in the program, God and a whole bunch of Angels who know and love me. After a few days or weeks, we bring the car to a stop and get the brakes fixed. Such is the case, today, after a little over a month of triggered behavior.
There are usually good reasons why fear takes over and the Littles start acting out. Part of the post mortem is to ask oneself, “what happened here?” In my case, it’s almost always because I haven’t paid attention to my little guys while my big guy was scared and busy planning out some mature changes – like throwing out what I eat and drink and removing all of the stuff from the refrigerator or the cupboard without a family meeting. This freaks my little guys out.
So, now, I must metaphorically and literally sit down with my Inner family and consult with my Outer Team (friends in the program, Beth, God and the Guides). Together, we put Humpty Dumpty together, again.
I have experience with this roller coaster and I’m sure a lot of you do, too. It’s more of a human problem (losing our way, finding it, repeat) even though we addicts seem to do it to an extreme. I wish and pray that I never would fall off the wagon, but my teachers tell me that’s not possible without enlightenment, something few humans achieve.
Sometimes, I think I’m a pretty smart and wise fellow, but I’m also a Bozo on the Bus like everyone else. Welcome to Planet Earth!
My Inner Children need some loving in times like these. They need attention, not isolation. This may take the form of play or a measured amount of food and drink, but it’s mostly about being heard, held and appreciated. I need to laugh, to dance and to cry and that’s 99 and 44/100 the solution.
If you’ve read this far, thank you. It’s true that I use this space, often, as a tool to release some pent up thoughts and feelings. I hope you find it somewhat interesting or helpful because that’s my intention, too. It’s always been one of my ways to love the world – to learn, share, create, repeat.
Blessings on your journey and love to your Littles!
