I’ll admit it. My main reasons for working out (strength and cardiovascular training) were more about other people than me. I wanted to look good, to receive admiring glances from the opposite sex and, never, ever be embarrassed to wear a bathing suit at the beach. I also wanted to eat what I wanted in whatever quantities pleased me.
These “whys” for working out never worked out for me. They were all about external validation and, therefore, insufficient to make real change possible. As a result, I became less motivated and got heavier and less healthy every year. In fact, as I gained 3-5 pounds per year (typical of my age group), I suffered some joint pain and, most importantly, some emotional distress. I didn’t like my body and I didn’t know how to properly manage my overall health.
Beth and I changed our diet (mostly plants and veggies), started walking and doing yoga regularly. This staved off some decline, but I really needed a more focused, regular workout that included strength training. As adults, we lose 3% of our muscle mass annually as we age. This leads to decreased mobility and increased frailty. I have seen how this affects the wellbeing of people I love and I did not want the rest of my life story to be about rapid decline and a corresponding lack of self respect.
In my thirties and forties, attempts to sign up for new gym memberships lasted for a few months, on average. In my fifties, I did much better with consistency, but I never made the progress necessary to begin sculpting my body to look like the guys in magazines or at the pool. My “why” was getting better to include overall health, but I was still, I’ll admit, hooked on externals. I was also more scared. I wanted to look good, more than feel good, and I was already noticing my body going in the “wrong” direction – downhill!
I think a lot of us fit into this category and the health, diet, sports paraphernalia and fitness industries take advantage of us. Just like the purveyors of junk food manipulate us with images of pleasure, wellness companies are usually selling us stuff, too. They’re teaching us how to long for a different us rather than love who we are right now. This lead me to my new “why.”
After years of trying to figure this out, I’ve arrived at a simple mantra that is making a real difference in how I workout and why…
“I love myself. I love my body and I make healthy choices.”
This simple, easy to remember phrase gets me on the floor to do my workouts or yoga and (most importantly) enables me to treat myself with a combination of gentleness and love. Instead of focusing on what’s outside of me, I’m listening to my inner voice, the part of Scott that wants good health and longevity now. I’m seeing changes because my workouts are short, intense and they fatigue my muscles. It feels inspiring. And I’m learning by being curious about how a body works.
I’m not saying that I’m free of the external powers that are burrowed in my mind after decades of being manipulated by our culture. I know myself well enough to know that temptation can increase and motivation can decrease. That said, though, this feels different. It feels like my therapy, my work on addiction and my study of the body and nutrition are coalescing into a better equipped Scott. I also have a partner who is equally motivated in Beth.
Writing this post and talking to fellow travelers is also a help. And I’ll admit it – I am inspired to be in front of the teachers and student we serve with a healthier body and mind. There’s nothing wrong with setting an example of wellness for those I teach. Still, the main focus is on loving myself. Insecurity is a part of life, but so is love.
I have found my why.
