My father was a salesman and like many parents then and now, he used to leave for business trips and then return home a week or two later.
As a child, I remember his homecoming especially when he was away for a long trip to Japan or California. Most of the times, he brought us small gifts and stories from the road. In these moments, I felt the joy of our family being reunited.
Occasionally, my brother and I gave my mom a hard time when dad was away, so the refrain “just wait until your father gets home” made his imminent arrival a fearful thing. This was the era where dads like mine spanked children, so I anticipated some pain when my mom gave him a report.
Beth and I both had salesmen dads who used fear to maintain order, so we made the decision to never spank, to reason with our children and to use “consequences” when necessary. Our daughters are fine adults, but once many years ago our oldest told us, “I could have used a spanking every now and then.” Okay, then.
Like us, both of daughters are super responsible, hardworking and values oriented, but they both went through long periods of contrary behavior when our consequences and reasoning did not change their actions. In that regard, they are more like me than Beth. I was a hellion who fooled a lot of people with my ability to get As and Bs in school and excel in extra curricular activities. Beth was a good Catholic girl (or, she might say, extremely repressed).
Coming home, nowadays, there’s no one to greet us at the door. We’re in a part of life where the kids have flown and we don’t have a dog or even a plant that missed us while away.
Last week, we considered (not for the first time) buying a home in Sullivan County. We looked at a two bedroom home on 2.5 acres that was 1/3 of what we might pay in Westchester. In the end, we decided not to pursue it, but we are going to go through the motions with a bank to see what kind of mortgage we might get.
Wanting a home to call your own is a part of the American dream. I suppose it’s also more basic – like nesting is to animals.
Beth and I change our minds frequently about the logic versus the desire to return to home ownership. Without a doubt, we are more flexible, free and financially secure w/o a home. Still, the desire remains to nest, to call a place “our home” and feel the peaceful feelings that accompany it.
For now, though, home is our little, rented cabin. It serves all of our needs and many of our wants. It’s a decision to “not have it all” and be okay with that.
If Home is Where the Heart Is, it travels with us – from our childhood homes to the apartments, homes and cabins where we have laid down our heads. It’s even in faraway Greece, Costa Rica, Arizona and every place we have held hands and supped with old and new friends. It is here now and will be there tomorrow. And it is good.
