My wife was listening to a Scott Galloway interview, today. Per usual, I overheard enough to think, “Yes. He’s right about that” followed shortly by, “Jesus, Dude. You can be a real dick, sometimes.”
Masculinity, it seems, can be characterized by some as the tendency to say what you are thinking with assertive language. To me, that’s arrogance personified. It makes me viscerally uncomfortable.
Occasionally, confidence is wonderful. A strong leader, thinker or guru will say, “THIS is the way it is!” Their confidence may be off-putting but it can also be super exciting. Hence, my reactions to folks like Galloway who is darn certain that he knows what’s good for you, me and everyone else (and sometimes he’s right).
In private, Galloway might be different. I’m guessing that he couldn’t stay married or be an effective father if he were always certain. In his own home or sitting in your living room, he might be a loving guy, a good listener and – dare I say it – vulnerable.
I’m my work with men, I recognize when they sometimes want me to tell them what THE truth is. Even when I do think I know something based on experience (wisdom), though, I will often tell a story rather than say “the truth is…”. Why? I would rather inspire THEIR curiosity and wisdom rather than impress them with mine. As a therapist once told me, “I can diagnose you in an hour, but what good will that do?”
Beware the men who are forever certain.
I don’t believe most nutritionists, especially the quack doctors and pseudo experts online. There’s been so much contradictory information about food that I trust almost no one… except Michael Pollan. Why? He’s a scholar who is very careful about the advice he offers and most of it is offered as empirical data – not opinion. He allows ME to make up my mind based on his research. That’s what I respect in a fellow man (or woman).
We live in a world with a lot of binary thinking: good/evil, healthy/unhealthy, right/left, etc. I feel as if I’ve been trained to choose black or white when the proper answer might be gray. Accordingly, I’ve decided to give full power to only one source – God. In my fifties, I recognized that the three most powerful words were “I don’t know.” I’d amend that in my sixties to “I don’t know, God. Can you help me learn the next right thing to do?” To me, it’s all about surrender.
Surrender means I listen to my heart, wait, consider, and then ask my close friends, many of whom are smart and heart-centered. Then – when my body, mind and spirit feel aligned – I move. I take responsibility. And I hope that it turns out okay. Then, I review, check my feelings and talk to my peeps again. I give thanks to them and God and, hopefully, learn.
I don’t think that this is toxic masculine behavior. It may be more feminine or a mixture of the sexes. What do you think?
As Galloway’s interview neared its end, he allowed himself to show vulnerability. He teared up when he talked about losing his mom. It was a sweet moment.
Maybe, some of us need to shout or speak our minds before we can soften and then speak from the heart. God bless us every one.