Last night, we took a break from our usual green, grain and healthy protein dinner and celebrated Super Bowl Sunday with an off-the-grid treat. We split a meatball parmigiana and a chicken parmigiana sub, and, boy, were they delicious! No – we didn’t watch the game, but we like to eat like we did!
I feel good about how we’ve been treating ourselves this week. In years past, we have taken a break from our routines when we traveled, skipping workouts and eating like we did last night more frequently. Over the last year, though, we’ve settled into a better rhythm by cooking 90% of our meals and, this year, remembering to bring our yoga mats and adjustable dumbbells on the road. This morning I completed my strength training for this trip, and I feel very proud of how I’m manifesting my mantra by “loving myself, loving my body, and making good choices.” And, yes, these can include a delicious sub once in a while!
Tomorrow morning, we’ll leave Lancaster and say goodbye to Jessie. I’ll miss playing fetch, preparing his meals, and petting him by the fireplace. Yes, he does wake me up at 6:45 to go out for his morning constitution in 4-degree weather, but I’ve rediscovered the joy of tending to a beautiful, vigorous being like Jessie first thing in the morning. Come to think of it, that’s what I’m doing for both of us!
So far, I have not felt any misgivings or difficulty going phoneless. I borrowed Beth’s phone to order the subs and we spoke to my Mom and one of her caregivers using her cell. I also learned that our truck has a built-in GPS that’s better than the app on my phone, so I feel okay about losing the phone for guidance. For everything else, this laptop has allowed me to stay up-to-date with texts and emails. Of course, there will be a moment or two when a phone will be missed, but I’m confident that they will be few and insignificant compared to the benefits of detaching from the always-on nature that defined my phone use. “Letting Go” is the most successful book and podcast in America for a reason!
Speaking of letting go, my mom is coming home from the hospital this week after her hip surgery. Today, we’ll be speaking with her caregivers at her senior residence and the hospital to put together the logistics for her return. It’s complicated, on one hand, because a bunch of furniture has to be repositioned and a new bed has to be delivered. Beth and I will be handling that in addition to bringing mom home on Thursday. This will mean some back and forth from Sullivan to Westchester, but we are fortunate to have a truck to help with moving and the time/energy to make it all happen. The other complication, of course, is how these changes will affect my mom, stepdad and us. I expect that we will be in the midst of some emotions this week, and our mindfulness tools of breathing and compassion will be needed. I ask for your prayers to help us be loving to them and ourselves!
It’s hard to watch our elders lose some of their autonomy and dignity. My mom HATES when others have to help her because she wants to be the one helping us. Letting go of that is a very heavy lift for someone who has done so much for others for so long. Intellectually, she gets it, but emotionally, she’s a mess. Very few of us are taught how to receive in a get-shit-done world.
Over the last few decades, I have slowly let go of the need to be parented by my mom and stepdad and built up my connections to Beth, therapists and mentors and others in my caring circles. In my twenties and thirties, we occasionally depended on them for rescuing us financially, but that time has passed. My parents might not leave us a dime, given the expense of elder care and that’s perfectly okay. I know that other families squabble about money and stuff when people die. I don’t see that happening here.
In my jewelry box at home, I have a pocket watch that belongs to my grandfather. That watch was something he took everywhere and it was all I wanted from him. I also know that his wealth helped pay for my college tuition and I inherited some of his talent for music. All of that’s more than enough. My mom and stepdad’s savings helped with some important stuff over the years – down payments, furniture and some big appliances, too. It was tough to receive that help sometimes, but it did come to an end. My ability to let go and eventually pay my own way is attributable to my legacy, too. My mom’s side of the family taught me that there’s a time to “captain my own ship” – one of my grandfather’s favorite teachings.
So, we’ll let go of Lancaster and Jessie. We’ll let go of the past when my mom and stepdad did everything themselves. We’ll take the conn with our siblings and we’ll love them all and ourselves as best we can.
