Today, we took a big step forward in our quest to improve our internet issue. Good news! But I discovered some other things underneath.
The Internet Issue
If you recall, Beth teaches virtual yoga and her clients have been dealing with audio and video glitches. In my efforts to improve the situation, I have been working like a dog to solve the problem. My belief was “in time, this will be fixed and finished.” And I was suffering every time fixes did not work. As I said yesterday, I was angry, frustrated, embarrassed and feeling shame.
So, as of this morning we have added a second network to our router. Now, we can shift between AT&T and T-Mobile depending on which one has better signal strength. In fact, the router makes the choice for us. Cool.
We did not purchase two subscriptions initially because it would double our monthly nut. Live and learn!
Attachment and Entitlement
After finishing up with my internet company, I said to Beth, “there is no guarantee that this will solve our issue completely,” and I asked her, “so how can I protect me/us from going through intense pain if this doesn’t work?”
Beth identified this – I’m attached to fast solutions. Like most everyone I know in Westchester and other suburbs of NY, I have become accustomed to immediately getting what I want, when I want it. This is a form of entitlement.
So, we agreed: we can HOPE for good results, but we need to remain unattached to results we cannot control. I cannot tell you how hard this is for me, former Prince of Rye Brook.
The Adventure continues, every step forward revealing a new vista of possibilities dressed up as annoying obstacles. My prayer today is to persevere, hope, trust and be patient for I’m in a foreign land. I don’t know this place or these feelings.
If you’re reading this and want to help, please keep me in mind. Eventually, I will need a job! I want to find a creative, passionate outlet for my talents. I hope to write, most of all, but I’m happy to facilitate, teach or learn a new trade. So, if you have a contact or an idea to work on together , lmk. I’ll hope for it without being attached to it!