Be Still and Know

Beth and I are back in Sullivan County. Today, we were supposed to be playing a holiday gig at a school, but both of us have tested positive for Covid. We canceled our shows for Monday and Tuesday hoping that we will be okay for shows Wednesday thru Friday and our trip to Florida later this week.

My symptoms, thus far, have mirrored a bad head cold with some sleeplessness thrown in for fun. It’s not all bad. I read a novel and enjoyed my third bowl of chicken soup since this began.

In the rooms, there’s a saying, “Don’t just do something, sit there!” This is intended for those of us who use busyness to bypass our uncomfortable feelings. Oftentimes, the children of alcoholics (that’s me) take on the behaviors of the addict even if we don’t drink. Me being sick is like putting a leash on an excitable puppy. We tug and pull when we’re asked to sit still.

So, just lying here in bed can be a challenge…like sitting in the soup!

Tomorrow marks two years for me without alcohol. I quit for a variety of reasons, but mostly because I want to be clear-headed, present and emotionally healthy. Being emotionally healthy means sitting in my feelings. It’s acknowledging what’s going on inside of me. In today’s case, it includes wrestling with my desire to do, rather than to be. It means accepting that I am impatient and angry that Covid knocked me down.

It reminds me of the other meme I read today- “Be still and know.” It’s one of the ironies of this blog – that it began with movement (travel) and brought me face to face with stillness. Yes, the goal was to see the country but underneath that was the desire to know who I am and what I want. You’ve heard me refer to that as uncovering the True Self. That’s really what Beth and I are doing.

So, in-between sipping some more soup, reading another novel and catching a few needed winks, I’ll come back to this place – to think and feel, to celebrate my sobriety and all of the gifts that being clear-headed has brought me. It continues to be quite a journey and I appreciate the company.

Happy Hanukkah!

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