Que Sera, Sera

The Universe has made it abundantly clear that our planned trip to the Southwest is not meant to be, at least not now. Sure, we had to make the final decision to postpone, but events kept telling us, “Stay put.”

Of course, Beth and I were upset about it. We wanted to hitch our camper up and head west and see the great American parks, especially places like Bryce National Park, cities like Sedona, Sante Fe and the Grand Canyon.

As I’ve said in a previous post, we notice when the runway lights come on for us, when events and people light up a path that says, “Yes!” Now, we’re becoming better at noticing when they go off, when they blink out and say, “No!”

Acceptance comes slowly to us humans. We like to get what we want when we want it. Eventually, though, Beth and I recognized that our plan wasn’t God’s plan. And while canceling this new Adventure was initially painful, I think that we have come to a very peaceful acceptance of it. We’re still working through some grief, but that’s another lesson (see below).

Personally, I’ve been praying to learn the lesson of “Let Go, and Let God” and true to form, God has answered my prayers. The Universe watched while we built our beautiful sandcastle on the beach and then sent a few big waves to knock it down. I’m sure there’s a biblical quotation that would be perfect for this moment, but I spent most of my Sabbaths watching TV and my Sundays at a Unitarian church. Does “Que Sera Sera” cover it? Whatever will be, will be.

My reaction to loss has evolved. I’ve learned that isolating, numbing out or trying to distract myself with food, Facebook, shopping, entertainment or watching and reading the news no longer works (if it ever did). Instead, I’m saying out loud, “I’m sad.” Instead of getting a new dog, we have mourned the loss of Bradley.

Yesterday, I was having a splendid day. I was walking on sunshine when all of a sudden, a feeling came over me that I didn’t understand. It wasn’t until later in bed that I said to Beth, “I don’t know why and I really don’t have to know because that will just encourage me to try and fix my feelings, but I’m sad. That’s how I feel.” And saying that, moving toward it instead of away from it, brought me peace. Scott Bierko 3.0 is a guy who has learned that feelings are in my body, not the mind, and they need to be expressed, not hidden. It’s really quite simple, but it sure ain’t easy for a guy who has been hiding from his feelings for decades.

So, yeah, I’m sad. And this, too, shall pass. Was that in the bible?

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