Beth and I have a series of programs about health and wellness where we teach children and adults about our bodies and our minds. Over the past few years, though, I have felt some measure of “imposter syndrome” because I have gained and lost weight as a result of not taking care of myself properly. I’ve been good at exercising and then…I stop.
It may surprise some of my female readers to know that many of the men I have spoken to will admit to similar issues around body image (if they feel safe to express it).
Certainly, girls and women have more pressure than boys and men to look great, but my personal experience indicates that males are troubled and, unfortunately, feeling shame about their bodies and their behaviors, too. I think a lot of guys secretly want to look like Hugh Jackman.
It’s really a good thing that my personal journey to understand this topic is proceeding because whatever I learn will help not only me but others, too. The men I have spoken with thus far have consistently thanked me for describing my thoughts and feelings about belly fat, shame, imperfection and overeating. I think it will also improve my ability to be a better teacher.
IMHO, body shame is the secret that most people do not share. Furthermore, I believe that the taboo against bringing it out into the open causes psychological distress that affects our success and happiness in life in addition to the health issues related to obesity. Like any other problem, denial of its existence allows it to fester and grow inside of us.
Part of my journey toward wellness is to understand my family and the culture I live in. There is no doubt in my mind that our culture’s obsession with food, body image and dieting are a toxic combination. It’s kind of obvious – i have felt pulled towards exercise and good nutrition on the one hand and it’s opposite – a love for all things sweet, sugary and tasty and the right to sit in front of a TV and forget that nature even exists on the other. I am a hybrid!
In this moment, my hope is that there exists a middle path. Instead of having to choose between unobtainable perfection on one side and slothful shame on the other, I yearn for a state of mind where I love myself regardless of my weight and love myself enough to care about my health in a measured, balanced way.
My therapist and I will deal with this in the same way we dealt with alcohol, drugs, shopping and my marriage – with honesty, curiosity and creativity. If past is prologue, it will be a way to understand and, eventually, cleanup and dispose of outmoded beliefs.
That said, my child and adolescent selves are terribly scared and angry at the thought of giving up on the right to overindulge. In some sense, it ties me to all men and boys who believe that more is better… or my inner parent who thought that food is love and lots of food is more love. Moderation, these selves argue, is impossible!
Well. Let’s see if we can find a way that’s not food to soothe or distract myself because 9 times out of 10 overeating is an attempt to distance oneself from uncomfortable emotions. The rest of the time it’s just an old habit run amuck.
I’ll let you know how it goes!
