Today, I want to talk about the difference between living life in what I’ll refer to as “hard driving” mode versus a softer, “nice and easy” approach to life on our planet.
Some of my friends and family who live in or near big cities are hard drivers. I was once in the club. We pursue everything in the red zone, seeking out more, the best and to be better than others. This is so ingrained in us that we need 4-5 days on a vacation to START relaxing. More likely, we drink, take legal or illegal drugs to calm down or just live in a perpetual state of “I’m not enough unless I’m perfect or damn close to it.” It’s a tough club to be in.
I grew up in a suburb of New York City where we believed that we were better than the rest of the USA. Our restaurants were the best, our sports teams were #1 and our cultural institutions and businesses were without peer. When I went to college in Pennsylvania, we didn’t think we were better – we knew it 😉
This type of egotistical thinking wasn’t just condescending. It was also exhausting and limiting. How hard are you gonna work at anything when you’re already the best?
(Please review the lyrics to “New York, New York” for reference.)
Fortunately, I sensed from a young age that there was a certain amount of bullshit in this way of hierarchical thinking. That didn’t stop me from acting like a selfish, entitled prick from time to time, but I kind’ve knew when I was acting like a horse’s ass. It took decades, but I peeled back the layers of my false self to find something else that is still emerging, still manifesting fully despite the early training.
That something else under the layers is my true self – a gentler, kinder version of Scott. It’s the part of me that loves unconditionally without seeking quid pro quo. It is, in a word, soft.
Men are trained in a myriad of ways to expunge 90% of their soft side. I don’t think I have to explain that. It’s easy to see the evidence of how hard-driving machismo has resulted in an inherently unhealthy culture. Frankly, I was hoping the election of Kamala Harris would start to turn that around. Sigh.
But this is really an inside game. Every man has to learn that the bull inside of himself is bull-headed. And every woman has to tell him so.
Still, the trick to all of this isn’t to destroy masculinity. It is to balance it with the feminine in all of us. Everyone must know that life is best lived, 99% of the time with unconditional love as their raison d’etre. It’s going to take generations, but we can and must learn to balance ourselves and then teach it to our children. Furthermore, the planet depends on it, so this isn’t just an option. It’s a necessity.
This post is already a bit long, so I’ll save some examples for another day. In the meantime, may we all find and develop our softest selves and enjoy the game, not just the trophy.
