We are leaving New York for San Diego, today. One month after his death, our daughter’s boyfriend will be buried on Thursday.
We have never been to San Diego, so a small part of me is looking forward to being two blocks away from the Pacific and exploring the Ocean Beach area. Our departed friend surfed there in his youth and I think it would have been his pleasure to share this beautiful part of the country with us.
There are moments for solemnity and tears and times for joy and laughter when we wish someone goodbye. For the most part, my experience of him was full of discovery, creativity and heart to heart conversations. Sadness, then, is not most of what I feel when I remember him, so it makes little sense to impose that on our friendship.
Of course, I am sad for my daughter and his family. They are enduring a much harder loss. He was not a part of my everyday life or an integral part of my plans like he was for my daughter. I only need imagine losing Beth to understand some of their feelings.
I don’t know what this next week has in store for us. All we can do is be present and supportive as we have for the last month. That’s as good a plan as any.
