For the next five days, we’ll be parked at our friend’s home on Colabaugh Road in Croton-on-Hudson, NY. it’s a lovely piece of land and, like the last place we driveway we parked in in Garrison, NY, both pleasantly tucked into an area of New York known for privacy and beauty.
It was rough to back the rig into the driveway, however, and I jackknifed while making the very tight turn from the windy country road and through the pillars at their gate. Luckily, a neighbor was passing by and directed me into the parking place while Beth was holding up traffic.
Unfortunately, I increased the size of a small dent on the back of our truck, one of the scars our Ford has thanks to my imperfect parking or the type of trailer/truck combo we have. I think it’s a bit of both.
Regardless of the reason, in these instances we both temporarily regress into the husband-wife bullshit we have experienced since the beginning of our marriage and periodically since then. It’s when both of us are anxious and we each think, “if only my friggin’ partner would stop doing X then everything would be fine.” As I said, it’s old stuff and we both learned it by watching our parents interact with one another. Sigh.
For my part, I am still the guy who would rather finish the job than take a break. When I get stuck in this mindset, I’m a bull and all of my mindfulness training goes out the window.
I don’t drink anymore and I don’t have a Valium prescription. I’ve vowed to stop using “retail therapy” and I don’t smoke weed. So, what I’m left with is what I’m doing now: stopping, reflecting, and writing about it. It works for me.
Of course, I might enjoy a Buckler (non-alcoholic beer) and some Dot’s pretzels while sitting in the backyard. It’s not as healthy as meditation, so I guess 15 minutes of just sitting and breathing is the next, best thing.
The Adventure for those of us in Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) is about finding “the next right thing.” If we have the presence to slow down and figure that out, then I think we’re actively working on our Recovery.
My guess is that this is true for all of us, especially when backing a 22’ trailer and a 20’ truck through a tiny opening with your spouse eyeing you very, very carefully.
Time to meditate.