One of the benefits of having a great educational experience and completing the necessary coursework is that one gets to graduate and, hopefully, feel the thrill of accomplishment.
In my case, I did not feel that when I left high school or college.
However, upon leaving therapy with my wonderful “teacher,” Baila Lemonick, I feel extremely satisfied. Perhaps it is because in therapy the coursework was my choice. In high school and college, someone else chose most of the syllabi.
Looking back, I think being in therapy is a lot like flight school. In flight training, one graduates when he has successfully learned how to operate the plane or jet he wants to fly. In therapy, we graduate when we know how to operate ourselves in the world. Both take hundreds if not thousands of hours of guided and solo time and it sure ain’t easy.
My decision, with Baila’s blessing, was to move from weekly appointments to twice a month. Later, I moved to every three weeks and, finally, to once per month. This gradual change allowed me to test my ability to fly solo with the feeling that she was (and is) there when I’m in need of support.
My new model is based on interdependence. In addition to Beth and some trusted friends, I have a few guys (fellow travelers) I speak with weekly. Plus, I attend a Sunday ACA meeting. In my life, we support one another. I find it invaluable.
Regardless of age or experience, I still think life’s twists and turns are more easily handled by an advisory approach. Beth and I have two financial advisors, so why not have emotional well-being ones too!
Of course, it took awhile to ditch my belief that men ought to be able to Captain their own ships. The myth of the rugged individualist dies hard if we were brought up on that cultural hogwash. I know there are probably many men who suffer in silence. It’s sad. It’s a form of emotional impoverishment.
Fortune smiled on me, though. My mother introduced me to my first therapist in my teens and my emotional development was from that moment on as important to me as my intellectual or physical growth. I took off a bunch of years to try out various illicit and risky behaviors, but I eventually came back to the therapy and group rooms.
It’s a blessing to say that no man is an island and believe it.
