We have returned to Long Beach Island for our annual gig at an arts and science camp in Loveladies, New Jersey.
First off, gotta say this…Hooray for beach weather! It’s beautiful here..
Today was our first full day working with 12 children ages 5-6 all of whom seem excited for a week of music-making and enjoying a lovely nature trail that leads to 20 acres of marshland. It’s lovely to see Jack and Wendy, two adult osprey, who return year after year to their summertime nest to raise their young by the bay.
We’ll be teaching at LBIF for two weeks total amid some library concerts and lots of beach time.
In other news, we took a day trip to Cape May to see the used RV we are considering as a gift from us to us. It’s a great deal, clean and in perfect condition.
The dealer offered us a trade-in discount for our existing RV, but we think it’s too low. If they don’t improve the offer, we will sell it privately. Stay tuned about both decisions as we make them.
When it comes to major decisions (including purchases) a couple gets to see what works well (and what does not) in a marriage. In those situations, some couples start acting out while others begin acting as a team. We’ve done both, but I’m happy to say that Beth and I are doing better than ever after 30+ years of practice, therapy and ACA work. Hooray for us!
Our first secret is “don’t make a decision in the store (or in a rush).” We always thank the salesperson, walk away and take as long as we need to process the pros and cons without unnecessary, childlike emotions or sales pressure getting in the way. This was NOT the case when we were newly married when I liked to make decisions fast and Beth was inclined to give-in quickly. We’ve both gotten better.
Our second secret is “take turns talking about both sides of the decision.” Even if we really, really want something, we have learned to examine both sides with equal, intellectual vigor. This ability to see nuance is what some call being a sober, mature adult. It’s amazing how long it takes to have that become a part of one’s character!
The last secret (related to both of the above) is “it’s not about winning the argument or getting your way; it’s about strengthening the marriage.” This was our philosophy during the child rearing days, too. Marriage first; children second. It may seem silly to say it, but no individual decision is more important than the bond we nurture as partners.
I didn’t expect to write a post about marriage, but that’s where my mind went. I’m just so happy in this moment that we are fulfilling our commitment to one another (and to our work). I hope we can keep enjoying life on the road, in our new RV and with each of you.
